so i'm dapper as fuck in my freshest pj's, walking past the ID Theatre, around the corner from Ego's Deli, across the street from Super Ego's appliances.....
I used to love this neighborhood...
I used to kick it down here all the time....
Catch a show...
Meet the most amazing women I would never see again...
Cheif with Bob and Bob, on the wing of a huge owl, while watching Billie holiday freestyle with Genghis Khan, or something run of the mill like that....
The last couple times though, shit was wack....
After the time Obama came to the hoopcourt to run...
did i mention the court is in the middle of the club, and there were cheerleaders for the pick up game?
for some reason, the muskrats make me guard him...
he seems like the sweetest dude, but let me tell you, you're president has a mouth on him...
alright, he hit his first two jumpers...
but... then my president... well, he gets hella headways all of a sudden...
he's talking HELLA shit...
"you can BELIEVE that y'all need to CHANGE up, and get this fool off me... Shit, that's some change yo ass can beleive in right there... foe foe beach!!!"
I couldn't tell you how , but our coach was Oprah, and she benched me after that...
and while i'm trying to figure out how i get eaten up by B.O. and benched by Oprah, in my dream land.. but then i got distracted by something much more.... um... more.....
oh yeah, the cheerleaders were fly dinosaur chicks, and they tended bar and twisted up when we would come to the bench....
on the side of the hoop court....
for a pick up game...
in the middle of a club...
with 44.....
so Oprah puts me back in....
Asst. Coach Dr. Phil says, " come on now, stop lettin obama bust your ass!"
"i got it coach..."
first play I get back in, and this fool has the rock...
I square up...
He fakes left....
He fakes the jump shot....
finally.... he goes strong to his right hand(his off hand, like me) and I'm waiting for him....
man, leatherface mccain wishes he ever had the position I'm holding in the lane right now...
................................
two steps to my left, trying to stop a leader of the free world from an easy deuce.....
and somebody sets the meanest, D-BO, pick on me...
I hit the deck, like I belly flopped on the floor....
takes me a minute to get it back...
and hear whoever set the pick, gloating...
beating their chest, and having no mercy for the vicious blow.....
I know where I am now cause the culprit was none other than Sasha Obama....
Grinning....
missing teeth and shit...
after that, I took over...
people cried...
secret service all wanted my autograph after the game....
ya know... dream shit...
but i place bets...
since that, shit has been stuffy, like fine dining....
but tonight, for whatever it's worth, I got on my crispiest jammies on and i'm out here...
so anyway, as I pass the theater, a scalper is trying to see if i'm interested in the show....
?
He doesn't know what it is...
says it's up to me....
"so why do i have to buy tickets from you to go in?"
"what does it matter, when you have all the dream money you could ever need?"
so it didn't matter then that i kicked him in the nuts, instead of giving him dream dollars, for being a smart ass...
and he was warren buffet, so i know it's not gonna matter tomorrow...
I walk up to the usher.... sorry..... yeah....
it was Usher.....
once I walk through the turnstile, I step into snow....
the lobby, concession stand, everywhere....
SNOW....
but of course it's not cold, and I finally realize everyone at this movie theater besides me and Usher are penguins....
so far, i wanna kick old warren in the nuts again,which would be the same as getting my money back i guess....
I get my beer and popcorn, which actually comes in the same container, but when you take a sip the tastes are still separate, don't worry....
me and the tuxes all file in to our seats.....
but where the huge projection screen should be, instead is a huge mirror.....
and the movie starts right away, and it's playing in fast forward, I can't even see what it is....
and the seats feel like 6 flags rides....
penguins are pigs now.....
all dressed like the blues brothers....
and the theater is now a bank vault....
everyone's gone....not a penguin or pig in sight....
just me....
but i hear sirens....
i'm locked in.....
no way out...
until the ceiling busts in, and after dust settles I see the big ass wing of the owl we were chilling on before....
i hop on that beach, and it's deuces on you gooses....
as we flew away, I could see the cops barreling through the front door of the bank....
I was laughing at them, clowning, having a good ole time....
The owl had a sense of humor too...
He flipped me off....
no... not the bird...
the bird flipped me off of him.....
right into the arms of the chief of police, the little one from golden girls....
she gave me a piggy back ride to jail, where they took my knee prints and threw me in a holding cell with the cast of Frasier....
and right when eddie the dog was talking bout he was gonna make me his fish......
i woke up.....
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